Thanksgiving Bonus

The economy's rough. I don't have to tell you that. But if you were planning to make some new investments, I might suggest taking your money elsewhere.

Not That Kind of Machine

As technology makes our world increasingly more convenient and less personal, vending machines are offering us staggering possibilities. Snacks and drinks have always been a staple, but DVDs, iPods, life insurance, gems, produce, ice cream, beer, toys, toilet paper, and panties are now available on street corners all over the world. Not only that, but you don't have to tear apart the office/ER waiting room/men's locker at the local Y looking for exact change. You can now pay with credit cards and even text messages in some places.

But there's one thing that vending machines still can't offer you.

Just in case you missed it, I've highlighted the key offense here.

You can't copulate with a vending machine! I know what you're thinking. "If it can feed me and clothe me, why can't it love me?" Well, I don't have all of the answers to that question, but I can tell you that vending machines like it on top. And they like it kinky. So unless you want to be crushed to death during an electroshock S and M session, I'd keep your relationship strictly professional.

Seemed like a Good Idea at the Time

The weather's getting pretty rough. As I write this, it's thirty degrees outside and raining sideways. What's the athletically inclined outdoorsey type supposed to do? Well, until it freezes and you can start skiing/skating/downhill machete ice sculpting, you just might need to stay inside. The gym offers one possible solution, but playing ping pong inside a tent is NOT an option.

You just can't compete with a piece of rip-stop, seam-sealed, waterproof fabric. Those things never miss, and the silicone coating puts more English on the ball than the Queen herself. (Besides, ping pong is an indoor sport anyway...)

Unless you want The Coleman Company to shred your ping pong record, you may just have to brush up on your knitting for the next few weeks. On the plus side, you can make yourself a nice pair of socks for ski season.

No Inverted Aerials

Driving a truck requires a higher level of attention. To name a few things, you need to be concerned about stopping distance, overheard clearance, and gross vehicle weight. Then there's all of those pesky road signs that apply to trucks specifically, like this one.

You can't flip your truck over backwards, pretty straight forward. Those of you who may only be driving a truck every other decade or so on moving day may not know exactly how to avoid that.

Just to clue you in, that would require disabling your front breaks, loading the back of your truck with lead weights or something heavier, speeding backwards, and slamming on the rear breaks. It's hard to avoid doing in car, never mind a truck. But on a certain stretch of road near Horsham, PA, you'll just have to be extra careful.

Yes He Will!

Mid term elections are tomorrow and I hope everyone out there is up to the task of voting. I don't care where you sit on the aisle or stand on an issue. America is in some serious need of electoral participation. And if you don't do your part someone else will.

Two years ago, President Obama came to power fueled by hope, promising change. Some say the verdict is still out on that. It really isn't the purpose of this blog to discuss that kind of thing. There are plenty of others out there wasting bandwidth on that particular question.

My point is that one might read the above warning sign with a certain amount of optimism.

But one can also take a slightly different view.

In either case, no one can argue that the man pictured above allegorically is coming, and he means business. (Look at those burly arms!) As I've already implored, vote! Make your voice heard! Because if you don't, he WILL!